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When you worked yourself to a shade of your former self, and I was not there to bring you back.

[He sighs, stretching his arms and shoulders.]

I feel I'm giving you too much to worry about. I'm not even working that hard. I feel exceptionally idle.

That is an adjustment period. We have not our powers here. Nor any shards that need managing.

Of course it seems idle.

That does still not change the situation.

...I truly have caused you worry.

What?

Do you believe I have done all this because I was bored?

[Bring a hand to his temple.]

For being a genius, you can be rather dense sometimes.

I just didn't realize how deeply you were fretting.

[He did know Emet-Selch was worried and upset! It's just, sinking in a way that it's not... a temporary passing worry??

He's really dumb and monofocused and thinks he's fine so why should anyone worry.]

Take a moment and get used to it. 'Tis not my favorite task, but if it has to fall to someone, I will take up the mantle.

I will be your foil, just as you were to Igeyorhm.

[He frowns and swings his legs out of bed.]

Emet-Selch. I appreciate your care, and that you wish to see to my health.

But I am not yet a doddering old man in need of a nursemaid.

Perhaps you can be the perspective I lack, and your counsel I will keep, but do not add to your own stress by worrying over my ability to look after myself.

[Putting a hand on his chest to keep him from rising.]

Do not. My own mistakes I have made and with a critical eye I am evaluating them as you should be as well. But I will not suffer to you taking this matter lightly.

[Well he is stopped. And scowling.]

I am evaluating myself. My mistakes were many. Do I seem to you to be taking this lightly? That is then my error.

Just as it would be in error to allow you to add me to the stress that already wears at you.

If you can't comprehend why I'm being insistent, than you have learned nothing. You are my ally, my comrade and together with Elidibus we have toiled these eons.

But you are also my friend. A dear one at that. The stress, as you put it, of you managing this yourself is tenfold the problem of watching over you myself. I swore to bear every dream, every hope, every despair. That includes yours.

That is why I cannot bear you to. Do you think I've been blind? Perhaps I have in many ways. But the lives you carry are enough. That you needed to add mine pains me in ways I cannot well express.

Would I rely on you as friend and peer? Always.

Of course my own failures add to your load. But it is something I wish to remedy.

For the selfsame reason you worry, I also cannot abide being a burden. Because you are my dear friend. Because you carry far too much for one man, no matter how great. Rather than adding to your troubles I hope to relieve them. Do you not see why? I would lift your worries, not become one among the rest.

If I must change my actions to suit your needs then so be it.

Lahabrea.

I am troubled by the path your thoughts are beginning to wander towards.

Scheme, plot, lay plans all you wish. I do not need to be a part of each experiment you choose to enact. But know this. Do not hide your thoughts from me, your true thoughts and worries. Fail to do so, and you will become the burden you so strongly claim to desire to avoid.

We lean on each other as we have throughout the eons. Perhaps we have lost sight of that as the years have dragged ever long.

[He puts his hand on Emet-Selch's.]

You misunderstand. I am conceding to you.

No to be a burden for you to fuss over, but to do as you wish. I shall carry on a schedule of rest, food and exercise enough to make any vessel healthy.

If there is more you need of me to feel reassured, then speak.

But I will not have you spending your energy worrying over what I can change in my own behavior.

[He's frowning hard, because it won't be easy. Habits don't change overnight. And expressing why he doesn't wish Emet-Selch to worry over him is difficult when it's not exactly that. Caring for and looking after each other is natural.

And it is not a matter of pride.]

Edited 2020-05-25 18:14 (UTC)

I struggle to find the words. But it is one thing to have you fuss over me, it is another to feel as if I am... Unable to reassure you. Trust me to do what you need of me if you ask it.

Not to avoid your care, but because I care for you, and would not increase your stress.

If you would truly rather hover over me then so be it. As long as whatever it is soothes you instead of adds to your weariness, I will concede to it.

[He breathes out and tension he wasn't aware had built up leaves his frame.]

If you concede, then I will not hound you further. I will keep my vigil, silent as watchful as ever, but if you truly mean to do as you say then I will trust in your words.

Do not disappoint me.

[He squeezes his fingers before bringing both hands up to cup his cheeks. He tilts Lahabrea's head down and kisses him softly on the top of the forehead.]

Truthfully, I was expecting more of a fight out of you on this matter. I am glad I was wrong.

Under other circumstances you would have a fight.

[He can admit that. He's a stubborn person. But it does bother him, greatly, that his death left such an unfair burden on Emet-Selch, He would not increase it now.

The kiss on his forehead catches him by surprise and he makes an expression about it, even though he allows it.]

[But after, he drops his chin into his hand, slouching forward for once and looking entirely petulant.]

I know when I have been in the wrong. As you say, I am reflecting on the mistakes of the past.

However do not think you are the only one watching. You have been here long with only mortals for company and I worry. Perhaps I shall bother you ceaselessly until you long for solitude to make up for the absence.

[He does pull away entirely pleased with how the situation is progressing and himself for catching him by surprise.]

Then we both resume our shadowy vigil. I trust in your plans, Lahabrea. Though recent times have shown us both to have made mistakes, we have gotten this far on merit and cunning. Do what you need to with the idols of this place. You are already full aware of my one exception, and even then I am not unmovable.

[He gestures to the room.]

I will not complain if you decide to keep your evenings here. I would enjoy the company.

Hm. I think I shall.

[He'll just live in Emet-Selch's room now I guess?

He makes a face at the man but it is, in fact, heartening to see him looking pleased with himself, even if it must be at his own expense.]

I cannot find better company for myself, that is certain.

As for your exception, you've found someone to truly be fond of after all this time. I would not intervene. Enjoy yourself. We were never meant to be creatures of isolation.

[He can't help but smile genuinely at the words. More of this conversation is reminding him the older arguably more wiser Lahabrea before he started slipping down that slope. Mayhaps there was reason to hope.]

Oh, I would like you to intervene, though simply bring me in on your more creative schemes before you enact them. Five is very promising, but he is still very young compared to you or I. And he is still learning. Truthfully, I imagine you will be good for each other in nothing else than your love of knowledge you both share.

[Glancing at the book he brought on the table.]

Did you read it?

[Look he's still loco crazy pants but he has... had reason to reflect on himself. Very good reason. and he's sad and old and tired and making Emet's life harder is not his goal.]

Hmph. He'll certainly benefit from me.

[He mutter grumpily, and pushes his hair from his face, glancing at the book.]

No. It seemed important to him that you do so first. [Which frankly does not matter to Lahabrea but it might have mattered to Emet-Selch. So he honored it.] Are you done?

[He simply shrugs.]

You'll see his potential. 'Tis not up to me to convince you. He'll win you over with hi own merits.

[He sits and flips through some of the pages noting the markings in the margins.]

Not yet. Well, you've rested. Shall we get to work? Or should I keep my current projects a surprise?

Work, else I die of boredom ere anything else can end me.

[He motions to the books around them.]

I'm been recording what I've remembered. Theories both magical and mundane. They probably won't be as interesting to you, but do feel free to read them all the same.

The areas that interest you are probably these.

[And he brings out a journal and places it on the table.]

The notes about Alexander the Primal and Omega, the machine that chased Midgarsommer to our star. From there spawned the idea of the using the Crystal Tower as a means to bend time and soul. How else were they able to get the First hail and whole.

[He motions to a shelf.]

And upon there are my more personal pet projects. Merging our abilities with Five's. The starscourge from another land. And notes from various souls I've delved into from games. That is all theoretical.

Edited 2020-05-26 01:07 (UTC)

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